mother's day confessions






so 
mother's day
a special day
but
 shouldn't we show love to our mothers every day

 sometimes
 it feels 
a bit like
 what toonman calls a card company holiday 

my mother passed away in 2001
 only a few months after my dad

 she was very much a woman whose life revolved around her family 
they lived in florida
 after their health began declining 
they stopped coming north twice a year 
we started going south at least once a year
 in fact 
we had purchased tickets to fly down there on march 9 2001
 we ended up flying down on march 2 

she passed on march 6
 in hospice
 my sister and i were holding her hands
 telling her
 it was okay to go 

i was not an easy child
 hard to believe
 i know

 i started walking when i was not even a year old
 i didn't want any one to hold my hand

 i always wanted to be out doing things 
she 
i am sure
 wished i wouldn't

i spent a lot of time lying to her
 she spent a lot of time being nosy
 nevertheless 
we loved each other

 she had so much patience
 i had none

 she wasn't a martyr
 but
 at times
 her selflessness drove me mad 
of course
 it didn't stop me
 from
asking her
 to sew on
 missing or loose buttons
 turn a hem
 once she asked me
 what i was going to do
 since i hadn't ever learned to sew 
(i can sew i just dont do it well)
 what would i do
 when she was gone 

very cavalierly
 i replied
 without hesitation
 go to a tailor 

after dad died 
we hired two lovely women to take care of her 
val was with her weekdays/nights 
priscilla was her weekend caregiver 
after mom passed
 val told me 
that 
every morning at 10
 when the phone would ring
 mom say
 here comes the lecture

 i didn't know if i should be hurt or laugh
 i thought 
my daily calls
 were
 my way of encouraging her
 to get up
 get out 
try to walk a bit 

she used them
 to tell me
 about all the things that were wrong with her 
why she couldn't do what i asked

 i am one of those people
 who
 just
 cannot 
understand 
any point of view
 other than my own

it was hard not to lecture
 certainly
 i never thought of it as a lecture

 now as i write this
 oh so many years later
 i see it was
 but
 it was done
 out of love
 (and frustration)

i didn't cry that day in hospice when she stopped breathing
 i didn't cry at her funeral

 months later
 in a moment
 when 
i felt this incredible sadness wash over me
 i cried

 i miss her more than i thought i would

 my independence
 is due to her not in spite of her 

what a surprise


i looked high and low for a photo of us together
she didn't like having photos taken
i liked being behind the camera
i knew there was one of us all together
it took me hours to find this
a not so great photo
 that i scanned eons ago
but there we are
mom me and my sister

19 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing Daryl. What a great tribute to your mom. Truth and life-loved it.
    I agree that mother's day is a created card day, but I think I'm now ok with that... :) I like to to think of it as "nurturers day"...
    So...Happy Nurterer's Day everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing Daryl. What a great tribute to your mom. Truth and life-loved it.
    I agree that mother's day is a created card day, but I think I'm now ok with that... :) I like to to think of it as "nurturers day"...
    So...Happy Nurterer's Day everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for sharing Daryl. What a great tribute to your mom. Truth and life-loved it.
    I agree that mother's day is a created card day, but I think I'm now ok with that... :) I like to to think of it as "nurturers day"...
    So...Happy Nurterer's Day everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for sharing Daryl. What a great tribute to your mom. Truth and life-loved it.
    I agree that mother's day is a created card day, but I think I'm now ok with that... :) I like to to think of it as "nurturers day"...
    So...Happy Nurterer's Day everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for sharing Daryl. What a great tribute to your mom. Truth and life-loved it.
    I agree that mother's day is a created card day, but I think I'm now ok with that... :) I like to to think of it as "nurturers day"...
    So...Happy Nurterer's Day everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  6. OH my gosh Daryl! My apologies! Not sure WHAT happened. Will try to delete!
    Mare

    ReplyDelete
  7. blogger is being a booger tonite. Loved the tribute to your mother, it's never all sweetness and light, it's life. Glad you've made peace with that.

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  8. Moving tribute to your Mother, Daryl. Thanks so much for sharing. I lost my Mom 42 years ago... in my heart for ever!
    Louise

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  9. I love these personal glimpses into your life Daryl. We all have bitter-sweet memories, don't we? My mother is still with me...sometimes I do roll my eyes; she's not the easiest person in the world to be around...but I'm thankful that I have the chance to have lunch with her today. Big hugs and much love.

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  10. You have such a wonderful way with words Daryl, love this post and I'm sure like me so many of your readers will relate to it in more ways than one, merci beaucoup.

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  11. You do have a way with words. Great tribute to your Mom.

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  12. I'm a bit weepy over here. Lovely post.

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  13. A great tribute to your mother.

    This day's always going to be tinged with sadness for me- it's been a year now since my mother passed away. From your remarks and from things others have said, days like this are a reminder of that loss.

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  14. so, she can hear us right?
    happy mom's day to Daryl's mother. You did a great job, Daryl is compassionate, is polite in public and only cusses when occasions require.

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  15. Mother daughter relationships are 'difficult' at best in many cases. I didn't have a good relationship with my mom because she was aloof in showing affection and I most likely picked up on a lot of those same ways. I didn't cry when I learned she had passed away in Mexico, her ashes are still there.

    Love the photo of you with your sister and mom. I don't even recall the last photo of me with my mom. Guess I should go digging for it one day.

    xox

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  16. What a beautiful post this is, Daryl, and a truly wonderful tribute to your mom. My mom passed away in 2000, but was afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease for at least 15 years prior to her passing. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. xo.

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  17. Looking at many Instagram photos of women with their mothers this past mothers day, it suddenly dawned on me that I don't think I have a single picture of me and my mother together. It made me sad:( Love this photo of the three of you!

    Mothers can certainly be frustrating and I am sure I gave my mother many a lecture:)

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  18. I bet that every morning at 10, she shared a little joke with Val about getting a lecture. I bet your mom really appreciated that daily phone call, D.

    Sweet post. Really nice.

    ReplyDelete