full disclosure or i'll have cheese with my whine

i really am numerically challenged
 i need
 all 10 fingers
 and 
all 10 toes
 to 
do
 easy math

 anything that requires more
 is
 beyond my abilities

 i take no pride in this
 i am just putting out there

 if not
 for
 adding machines
 calculator apps
 i would be lost

 i dont cook
 i used to
 i used to
 cook and bake

 no more 

when i did
 i relied
 on
 recipes 
measuring cups 
spoons
 and
 timers

 i needed
calculations
instructions
 like 
cook at 250 for x amount of minutes
 to be accurate
 no
 about
no
give or take 
or even test with a toothpick to determine if done

 so

 thankgiving food re-heating
 is
 stressful

 i worry
 if things will all be
 done
 hot
 at the same time

 i rely on the instructions
 that come with the food
 and
 my husband
 to
 do the math
 to
 reassure me
 it will be okay

 so

 when the huge 15 lb turkey was replaced by a turkey breast 
i asked 
how do i reheat this

 i was told
 to
 use the instructions that came with the turkey
 8 minutes a pound at 250 degrees

 i asked
 how many pounds is the breast

 i was told
 6-7 lbs

 ok 

toonman did the math for me
 we went with 7 lbs at 8 min a pound at 250 degrees

as instructed
 took
 the turkey breast out of the fridge 
an hour prior to heating

 preheated the oven
 in fact
 we used a friend's double oven
 as she was away
 heating
 turkey brisket stuffing/dressing
 all at once
 needed two ovens
 she was happy to help
 her fancy oven preheats slowly
 it lets you know
 when the proper temp is reached

 so

 i was good to go

 well
 56 minutes later 
in the upper oven
the turkey breast was barely warm
 in the lower oven
 the brisket 
heat 30 min at 300 
was also not hot

 the stuffing/dressing
 cook 15 min covered at 250 15 min uncovered
 was
but 

it tasted burnt 
string beans mashed yams roasted potatoes and cream spinach
 were
 microwaved
 and
 were perfect

 toonman sliced the breast 
popped the slices
 in the microwave for 2 minutes 
he did the same for the brisket
 and 
we were good to go

 dinner was fine
 good company
 good conversation
dessert was delish

 we have leftovers for weeks 
well 
except for the yams 
toonman 
dropped the glass container 
no more container 
no leftover yams
 interestingly
 he isn't a fan of yams
 ummm 

on saturday 
we were talking
 he told me 
how disappointing the turkey and brisket were 
i said i was disappointed too 
because
 last year it was so good 

he said
 didnt you order from the zabars on the eastside last year

 oh my gawd
 oh my gawd
 i did
 i ordered
 from
e.a.t. eli zabar 
not
 the zabars 
on
 the corner 

no wonder 




12 comments:

  1. That's a "muse smile post" to start the week... xo
    Louise

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  2. That's a "must smile post" to start the week... xo
    Louise

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  3. Glad that it worked out in the end, but how frustrating that the instructions that came with the meal didn't work -- and especially maddening on a holiday.

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  4. Oh the complications...lol! And, that's fancy ovens for you! Robert is very much the read the directions on cooking type and wing it on mechanical anything type and I'm the opposite. Since Cordon Bleu I cook by instinct. And don't worry Toonman, we've all dropped that glass bowl full of something. In my case, it was stuffed red peppers in a tomato sauce all over the kitchen floor. That bowl shattered so spectacularly into those safe, tiny glass cubes, you know what I mean? I think I was picking up little glass bits for the next year.

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  5. You know that we ordered here from Whole Foods. We ordered the whole turkey and meal. The turkey, reheated, was good but a little dry, not the same as fresh roasted at home. I didn't love the stuffing either. I think next year we will return to a roasted chicken and whatever else.
    p.s. I love math. I really do.

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  6. How convenient for Toonman to "accidentally" drop that.

    We have the same calculator!

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  7. So funny!!! Just try being in a kitchen with a son who has been a chef for about 12 years! I had a recipe for roasted brussels sprouts, cranberries, candied pecans and gorgonzola....he tossed it away and did his own version, which also included cauliflower and other ingredients. For the 19 lb turkey, he did his own thing...butter, rosemary and thyme under the skin with clementine peels in the cavity...roasted hot for an hour and then turned down the temperature. No meat thermometer--no problem. He used a fork and his thumb! Turkey was absolutely delicious, as were the roasted veggies. (I made a cheesecake before we started our trip...with a recipe and measuring cups, etc. and it was good!)

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  8. Did you enjoy your glasses of wine? Hopefully more wine then WHINE.

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  9. Math was never my strong suit either. Sorry to hear that the breast was a bust. Oh, ha. I just cracked myself up. Not that I mean to make light of your turkey issue.

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  10. I don't cook or like math either. I have a new oven and the temperature is not consistent. My old over was a sure thing. 350 for an hour and it was done. Perfect. Not the new one. I may call and use warranty.

    Everyone spills something, Ray. We are all guilty! I'm glad your Thanksgiving turned out well in spite of it all. Yay!!

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  11. I am glad that everything turned out for you in the end. Sounds like things turned out well for Toonman too!!! :-)
    Bye bye, yams!!!
    xo.

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  12. Of course it was the other place.

    I smoked two turkey breasts and two pork loins the day before. I know all about how to do it and how long it takes and all that. It takes about four beers spaced about a half hour apart and then pop in the oven at 250F until the meat thermo says 165F.

    Of course the next day I get asked "How long to heat?"

    I don't know!

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