trains of thought
this is not going to be a funny post
are there any of you still reading?
that was like saying
now dont get angry
you know
immediately
you are tensing
this was a long week
for
a short - work-wise - week
the holidays are over
the distraction of having friends in town is past
life is knocking
on the door
my friend Kate's brother-in-law passed just this Friday
my dear friend Larry's husband Kevin passed a few months ago,
his loss is still being processed by those of us who loved him,
as did
my sweet Rosie
the hole in my heart remains unfilled
worst of all
for me
because its always about me
is
the worsening pain
bone cancer
brings
my friend Wendy
just a few months ago
we were standing on Broadway
after
having had lunch
lingering
as we always did
to trade cat stories
we'd both lost a 'baby' recently
her husband had been out of town
he was coming home
she needed to get moving
we hugged
i think
that was the last time i saw her
shortly after that
she was diagnosed
with
metastasized
cancer
lung cancer
had moved
as it can
into
her bones
she had no idea
she had lung cancer
as her illness progressed
we learned
it was a particularly vicious
fast moving cancer
recently
she had been home from hospital
waiting for the holidays to be over
so she could start outpatient chemo
i just got an email from her husband
saying
she was re-admitted to Sloane Kettering Friday
he would keep us posted
i cannot
wrap my mind
around
how
someone so vibrant
so alive
could be struck down this way
she doesnt want to see anyone
its been a few weeks
since
she
herself
wrote an email update
her pain is too intense
to sit and type
her husband is trying to cope
to keep
us
her friends
who want to help
but can't
as up to date
on her condition as he can
my friend Wendy
who turned 65 at the end of 2012
unable to throw herself the party
she had been planning for over a year
you know its always about me
i am pissed
i have no one to go with to the GreenFlea
no one to be bugged at
for keeping me waiting
while she strolled down the avenue
oblivious
to being late
all the time
part of me
knows she cant beat this
is pissed she didnt fight harder
part wants to believe in miracles
i decided to write
to board the oft derailed
train of thought
maybe it would help me process
we'll see
oh
that 100 sign?
that 100 sign?
means nothing
comments are turned off
i told you
this is all about me
comments are turned off
i told you
this is all about me